Are negative emotions good for you? Why you shouldn’t be using them to motivate you.

Do you find that you are more motivated and productive in stressful situations like frantically trying to close out the monthly or quarterly target?

Do you think that negative emotions like fear of failure give you your performance edge?

I used to feel this way myself.  I took pride in being tougher than others and working longer hours than them during particularly demanding trading periods.

However, in the long term these negative emotions did not serve me and caused me to burn out.  Here are my thoughts on why negative emotions are not useful in your role and career, and how you should instead harness positive feelings.

Negative emotions should be treated in the same way as pain.

Treating negative emotions in the same way as pain has been a game-changing insight for me.  Pain is a useful because it sends an alert signal to the brain that something is not right physiologically with your body.  If you didn’t have pain receptors, you would keep your hand on the hot stove, which would cause catastrophic damage.  The pain signal enables you to rapidly remove your hand from the hot stove.

Negative emotions are essential to alert the body in the same way as pain, but instead they signal to the brain that something is not right psychologically.  Ideally, they should be acknowledged for 1-second before reframing to more positive emotions.  To stay in that negative thought pattern for extended periods of time will lead to chronic stress and eventual burn out.

Negative emotions are rooted in fear.   They are “Away From” rather than “Toward” forms of motivation.

The motivations are also different when you compare negative and positive emotions.  All negative emotions are fear-based, and this is also manifested in their motivations.  They motivate the person to get “away from” a certain situation or mental state. 

A recent example I saw of this, was from a client who was moved to action following some negative feedback from his line manager that he wasn’t showing the necessary leadership qualities to allow him to be promoted to lead the Grocery Channel.  Part of the issue was his lack of effective internal communication, to bring key stakeholders on his journey and get them to buy into the growth plan for his account.

This feedback lit a fire within him to proactively change his behaviours.  He immediately put together a cross-functional team to regularly so that he could update them with the relevant news on his account, along with key asks that needed to be actioned.  He also created a forum to update senior stakeholders on his account’s activities and gain sign-off for any trade investment that he needed outside of his annual forecast.

For the client it was a stressful 6-8 weeks to design and then action this communication plan, although his efforts were quickly rewarded with praise from his line manager.  However, what was particularly interesting was that the client admitted that his drive to persist with the cross-functional meetings, had started to wane almost immediately after he had received validation from his manager.

When we discussed the emotions that he felt upon initially receiving the negative feedback, he listed negative emotions such as shame, disappointment and guilt.  This triggered a response in his brain to get AWAY FROM those negative feelings and as such, he was spurred into action.  However, whilst “Away From” motivations can be very powerful to achieve short-term goals, they lose energy over time once the goal has been achieved.  And this is exactly what the client experienced.  If anything, he needed another stressful situation to motivate him once more.

“Toward” motivation is different.  It comes from a Sage and positive place.  These motivations are laser-focused with clear direction and because the goal is highly desirable, they make us are more resilient in dealing with the inevitable bumps in the road en route to achieving the outcome. 

In the case of this client, a better motivation was one directed towards self-actualization: what steps did he need to take to become the best leader that he could be? When we looked at a future plan, the improved communication strategy was only the first stage.  We identified that he needed to upgrade his empathy, influencing and intuition in decision-making and that gave him sustainable motivation, which will continue to build in future.

Staying in a fear state, will lead to your Saboteurs taking control of your mind.  Your mindset is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Another important point to consider about negative emotions is that they are self-fulfilling prophecies.  I’ve referenced the Saboteurs as outlined by Positive Intelligence® in previous articles.  If you believe the lies of your Saboteurs, then they will come true.  You won’t be able to break the cycle of stress and will continually return to negative emotions to push you forward.

However, if you choose to believe what Positive Intelligence refers to as the Sage Perspective, that you can achieve more through harnessing positive emotions like empathy for yourself and others, curiosity and alignment with your purpose then that will come true.  Instead of being pushed you will be pulled towards your goals, which is the path of greater ease and flow.

Saboteurs and negative emotions can help you achieve success, but not happiness.  Only through your Sage’s positive emotions can you achieve success, happiness and fulfilment.

Now, I’m sure many of you will have reached this point of the article and still be unconvinced that negative emotions are bad.  I can hear some of you say “But I have achieved great success in my career through utilizing my negative emotions.  Why should I change that?”

It is true.  You can absolutely achieve success through using your negative emotions.  However, I ask you this crucial question: “What has been the cost of your success and how have your negative emotions served you?”

Chances are that the stress produced by your Saboteurs have resulted in unhappiness, with adverse impacts to your health and your relationships.  When you are constantly beating yourself down to drive you towards your goals you are never content with what you have. 

The biggest lie of the universal Judge Saboteur is that it makes you believe you will be happy when you achieve certain milestones.  But what happens when you hit those milestones? You allow yourself to experience happiness for a fleeting moment before pursuing the next target.  You never allow yourself to enjoy the present.

In contrast, when you access the positive emotions of your Sage, you experience gratitude for what you have.  You focus on enjoying and growing via the PROCESS, rather than attaching yourself to the OUTCOME.  And as a result of this you experience happiness and fulfilment. 

Adopting this mindset will also make you more resilient.  When you can access empathy, curiosity and creativity you have the necessary tools to overcome inevitable obstacles that will be thrown your way.  You will become an awesome surfer who learns to effortlessly ride the uncontrollable wind and waves!

How building Mental Fitness can help.

As is true of any lasting habit change, this takes at least 6-weeks of intense work.  If you are interested in this game-changing program then take the Positive Intelligence Saboteur Assessment https://www.positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs/ and then book a free 30-minute coaching call with me at https://www.expcoaching.co.uk/ to find out more!