3 red flags that your boss might be a dick.
Do you trust your line manager?
Do you harbour a niggling feeling deep down that he or she may not have your best interests at heart?
Throughout my career in FMCG Sales I’ve had the good fortune to be managed by some fantastic leaders. Leaders who have instilled calm in me during the most challenging moments of my career, championed my personal development and who have become people I am proud to call friends.
However, I’ve also had the misfortune of being managed by some terrible leaders. People who in my opinion should never be put anywhere near positions of power.
I’ve had aggressive managers who have shouted at and insulted me, but I found that I could handle them. At least you know what to expect with such characters. I often found that they did this because they were brutally honest and passionate about the business. Although I didn’t agree with their management style, I found that I could still function well within my role since I understood their boundaries.
The most toxic managers I’ve had were in fact those who gaslighted me: they posed as my friend but later stabbed me in the back. I never knew where I stood with them, since their words and actions were completely incongruent.
These deceptive characters were adept at masking their true intentions behind the veil of friendship, but I believe that there are subtle tells to look out for to expose their duplicity. In this article I share 3 red flags which could indicate that your boss might be a dick.
1. They gossip to you about other team members.
I personally think that gossiping is a toxic behaviour, especially in the workplace. It erodes trust among employees and consequently negatively impacts the team’s performance. The last person on the team who should be engaging in gossiping is its leader.
I understand that there are confidential conversations that need to happen for succession planning purposes. However, if your manager divulges details to you from these clandestine discussions then this should raise alarm bells.
I had a manager who would gossip to me about other team members non-stop. He couldn’t help himself and would always be offering insights from private meetings as well as his opinions on the strengths and weaknesses of fellow team members. To be clear, I never asked him for his views on any of these subjects, although I believe he thought that it was a good way to build rapport, as well as elevate himself.
In fact, his gossiping had the opposite effect. It made me distrust and lose respect for him. I was new to the business and if he was saying these things behind the backs of colleagues that he’d worked with for years, what was he saying about me?
2. They ask you to do their dirty work.
No job is perfect. There are always unpalatable tasks and responsibilities that simply need to get done. However, every action that you take should be as closely aligned as possible to the company’s code of ethics.
However, in Account Management, it would be naïve for me to say that there aren’t occasions where you need to operate in gray areas to hit monthly, quarterly, or annual sales targets. With that being said, there is a clear moral distinction regarding your approach to operating in this penumbra.
You can choose to operate with transparency and gain sign-off with senior stakeholders before you proceed with dubious actions. Taking this approach will remove any ambiguity and won’t expose you or anyone else further down the road.
Or you can choose to cover your tracks. I can cite an example of this from my own career. Managing the largest account for a previous business, over the course of a challenging trading period I was asked on multiple to sell more volume over and above my monthly target to bridge the gap created by other accounts who missed the mark. Since the customer didn’t need this extra volume and didn’t have the space in their distribution centre, and I was asked to incentivize them with cash payments to pull the stock forward.
My manager and Sales Director instructed me to do this and hide the fact from the Finance Managers. This made me very uncomfortable, and I had to come up with creative names for these payments, e.g. “Q2 Marketing Plan” or “Online Homepage and Category Banners”.
Unsurprisingly our cover-up was exposed at the end of the financial year, and disappointingly my boss threw me under the bus, leaving me alone to explain the discrepancy to the Finance Director. He kept his hands clean whilst my name was tarnished.
3. They take credit for your hard work and wins.
Deceptive bosses don’t overtly take credit for your work or wins. They are more Machiavellian in their methods, since they do give you credit within the confines of your sub team. This makes you think they are championing you within the company.
However, in their interactions with senior stakeholders (from which you are excluded) they are basking in the glory of your hard work. In certain situations where there is clear nepotism at play, they may even be crediting others for your wins.
You won’t be surprised to learn that I’ve been a victim of this many times. I’ve had bosses steal my strategy and pass it off as their own and take full credit at the conclusion of a tough cost price increase negotiation, even though I had done 99% of the donkey work to get the correspondence to a place where it could eventually be resolved.
My advice here is not to give your boss a pass if it happens even once. I told myself “Maybe he just wanted to position as his work to gain the buy-in from senior management” or “I’m sure that he has acknowledged my contribution in other private conversations.” If your boss cares about your best interests he or she should never be stealing your work or downplaying your contributions.
What should you do if your boss is a dick?
If you suspect that your boss is a dick, then you are undoubtedly in a difficult situation. This is especially true if his or her behaviours are rewarded by the organisation. It reflects poorly on the company culture.
Try not to mirror his or her behaviour with regards to gossiping. I appreciate that this is easier said than done, particularly if you are a new company hire and you want to build a relationship with your boss. Rest assured that engaging in gossip will only blow up in your face later.
If you are forced to do their dirty work, I would also try to get their requests in writing. If the ask is particularly deceptive then you might need to fight your corner further down the road, and having evidence that you didn’t go rogue will be essential.
Lastly, you can be proactive in communicating your wins and successes to the business to make sure that you control the narrative. I understand that this act feels uncomfortable for many Sales leaders. However, it is better than the alternative, which is your boss taking credit for all your work.
Ultimately stay true to yourself and try your best not to compromise your values. In the best-case scenario, your conduct could have a positive contagion effect on your boss and cause him or her to improve their behaviour. However, if you really can’t get on with your boss then you might have to seek employment at another company.
And lastly, if you are reading this and realise that you engage in some of this behaviour, then you might want to take a look in the mirror and think deeply about how this might be negatively impacting your direct reports.
How building Mental Fitness can help you deal with a toxic boss.
Building your Mental Fitness is essential to being able to handle a toxic boss. It will help you to maintain your confidence whilst you are being gaslighted. Having strong mental muscles will also allow you to maintain your integrity whilst navigating the minefield of work politics.
As is true of any lasting habit change, this takes at least 6-weeks of intense work. If you are interested in this game-changing program then take the Positive Intelligence Saboteur Assessment https://www.positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs/ and then book a free 30-minute coaching call with me at https://calendly.com/chris-exp to find out more!